Super Bros. Drama

Hi, I’m Mike, the half-brother of the famous Mario and Luigi. Let me tell you a little secret: they stink as plumbers.
Before they got into the video game world, the three of us ran a plumbing business—or rather, ran it into the ground. They never showed up on time and never wanted to log a full day’s work. Customers were always complaining about shoddy workmanship and leaky pipes.
Luigi would often come to work off his face on magic mushrooms. He used to think he was a giant and that he was being chased by Koopa Troops and ghosts. Clearly, it was the hallucinogens. He even crashed the company kart once and blamed it on a rogue banana peel! I had to fork out thousands of gold coins for a new vehicle.
Mario and Peach fight like an old married couple over the silliest things-things that just grind away at someone’s nerves after thirty years of a not-so-blissful marriage. One time, while visiting Water Land, they had a huge fight, back and forth. In the end, Peach threw all his golf clubs into a lake. Another time, in Ice Land, she accused Mario of looking at another princess, so she had Toad, her chauffeur, drive over his favorite skis, pulverizing them into dust.
In the end, I had to fire both of them. Now I run the plumbing company with my buddy Yoshi. Mario lives in a castle with Peach, still arguing and bickering over him leaving his dirty socks on the floor or her spending too much on fuzz cuts and blow-dries. I still visit them up at the castle on the holidays. And of course, when there’s a leaky pipe, Mario calls me-he knows better than to try to fix it himself.
Luigi takes care of Donkey Kong at the Mushroom Kingdom Zoo. He’s been clean for a few years now. He also grows beanstalks; some of them reach right into the clouds in Sky Land.
I guess there are no hard feelings. In the end, they are Super Brothers, and I love them.
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